It can't be over a year since I have written! When I started blogging, hardly anyone had heard of it. Now, blogging is a household word. I am still writing my column, so I thought I would post the latest dated January 11, 2007 for "Hole in Heart," by request....Around The Bayside, January 11.... Have you ever had a thought that just wouldn't leave you? You worry it like your tongue against an aching tooth, you forget it is there, yet it keeps coming back, until it is fixed. Or, in my case, written about.
You men might want to grab your testosterone and head for the nearest football game on this one, because the thought I couldn't get out of my head was about "love".
Recently I was in a room with a friend and his very pregnant daughter. They are gloriously, maddeningly high decibel, and someone not used to Italian heritage would almost say they shout when they become impassioned.
The subject they were discussing was his view that he would love the new baby, the product of a blended family, more than her existing stepson.
"Of course I will love the new baby more, because your stepson is not blood". He said.
"Dad, that's horrible!He is just a child and I love him as much as if I had given birth to him". She said. She was so upset she almost cried, but he was adamant. "I always kiss him hello, I like him,but, HE IS NOT BLOOD". He repeated.
I knew better than to interfere, though I wanted to. In my life, I have seen the "blood is thicker than water" adage play out time and time again in families. My own sons are technically "half" brothers, and I was always vigilant to ensure they were treated equally by my husband's family.
Now that I am old enough to be a grandma the discussion between my friends really grabbed my heart. I always wanted a daughter and I consider her a "daughter of my heart", especially since she lost her mom at a very young age. I am also blessed to love my eldest son's girlfriend very much, and she is my other "heart daughter".
They both have children from a previous marriage,so can I REALLY be a grandma to all of their children? What happens when I become a grandma by blood? Will I love that child more?
It was a painful look inside. I realized that blood did matter to me,but only because to hold a child created by my child was to try to recreate that cherished past when he was a baby, and establish my lineage for the future...part of me would live on, even after I was gone.
But the love? Love transcends bloodlines. Love transcends race. Love transcends religions. It's there for all of us, if we open our hearts.
I have come to my own solution for the grandma thing. I will be Nanna---(as others are Mohhma or Mom-Mom or Buhba) and it will mean we can make cookies,and take walks, and I can slip them money, and listen to their secrets. We will play and eat sugar with abandon, and then I will send them home thankfully to their parents as they bounce off the wall.
There will be only one requirement for me being their Nanna...they want me to be.
It's wonderful to be back, see you next week!