Wednesday Night~~ it's late for me, and i am very tired. I read a blog tonight that made me very sad, and it made me think of something that happened yesterday that made me sad, too. A woman came into the store, harried, blonde,no makeup..She looked distracted, yet intent, a woman on a mission. Great, i thought, "another low-end sale". Shame on me. I am there to help, to facilitate, regardless of wheither it is 200 dollars or two thousand. She wanted a sturdy wooden daybed, and we picked one out together. She gave the daybed a firm shake, and decided it would be perfect. Then she told me her story....
It was for her daughter, 21. A pixie girl, with long brown hair and smiling dark eyes. She had seizures, and last sunday had been a record, 56 in a 24 hour period. She didn't have long left to live, and her mom wanted her safe and comfortable.
I tried to write the invoice, but my eyes were filled up. Her daughter had a bad dose of serum as a baby, and it had caused massive damage. I thought of my own situations, my worries about my children, and realized how lucky i was. I saw God's hands, opened wide,showing me, once again, all i have to be thankful for.
I told her i would pray for her daughter., and i thanked her. Angels come in so many different ways. We just have to open our hearts...and see.
Later.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Tuesday Night~~
Listening to classic R&B...Sam & Dave.,"Hold on, I'm Coming"..I am dancing in my seat, doing a solitary flirt, pouting my lips and swinging my hips. I am glad no one can see me, because i know men have testosterone,but we women, well, when we are feeling..(hot, sultry, sexy,) I don't think we can attribute it to a simple hormone...it involves our WHOLE BEING.
It must be the moon..it is almost full, a luminous Necco disc, just ripe for licking.Best i stay in my seat, swaying to the music, letting my fingers caress the keyboard, safely.
(sorry, george) George is my brother. My only brother. My baby brother. He reads this every day, my first devotee. I promised myself one thing when i began writing...that i would never censor this blog. Having George read this is a challenge, because it's like looking your priest or your child in the eye and discuss ...well, the things that make me a total female. I tend to show a pollyanna self to the world...That Catholic upbringing sure raises it's head sometimes!
Oh, great...Barry White just started playing. I love Barry White. Men scoff at him, but, he knows what women want. His voice is insistant, encouraging, he tells us to "do it" he says he will keep us pleased, he tells us he is focused entirely on us...we are SPECIAL..
This is terrible. I never intended to write this tonight, actually, i was planning on writing about WHERE i write...to discribe the room, to let you into the writing place...The oyster where the pearl sits.I am speechless. This blog has taken on a life of itself....Later......
Listening to classic R&B...Sam & Dave.,"Hold on, I'm Coming"..I am dancing in my seat, doing a solitary flirt, pouting my lips and swinging my hips. I am glad no one can see me, because i know men have testosterone,but we women, well, when we are feeling..(hot, sultry, sexy,) I don't think we can attribute it to a simple hormone...it involves our WHOLE BEING.
It must be the moon..it is almost full, a luminous Necco disc, just ripe for licking.Best i stay in my seat, swaying to the music, letting my fingers caress the keyboard, safely.
(sorry, george) George is my brother. My only brother. My baby brother. He reads this every day, my first devotee. I promised myself one thing when i began writing...that i would never censor this blog. Having George read this is a challenge, because it's like looking your priest or your child in the eye and discuss ...well, the things that make me a total female. I tend to show a pollyanna self to the world...That Catholic upbringing sure raises it's head sometimes!
Oh, great...Barry White just started playing. I love Barry White. Men scoff at him, but, he knows what women want. His voice is insistant, encouraging, he tells us to "do it" he says he will keep us pleased, he tells us he is focused entirely on us...we are SPECIAL..
This is terrible. I never intended to write this tonight, actually, i was planning on writing about WHERE i write...to discribe the room, to let you into the writing place...The oyster where the pearl sits.I am speechless. This blog has taken on a life of itself....Later......
Monday, June 28, 2004
Monday Night~~
Ok. I admit it. Not only am i hooked on blogging, i am hooked on the comments i get from blogging. I look forward to checking to see if anyone has read this. It's like christmas morning every day, tiptoeing to the tree.
Really rotten day at work. Since my bangup return from holiday 4 days ago, it's been one lowend customer after another...excruciating. To top it off, another 2,000 dollar cancelation, (just didnt like it, went back to their old latex bed) and the 4,800 thous. tempurpedic king adjustable sale that was delivered today was defective. JEESHHH! That was going on this month's delivered, but not now. To top it off, the customer refused to pay the balance, until it's fixed. I understand, of course...but that means our product is sittting in HER house, not paid for. Guess i am back in the hot seat again. sigh.
Oh well, what is it that i say with unflagging optimism? Tomorrow, always tomorrow, will be another day.......Into the tub i go, vanilla bubbles and some hot earl grey tea.......later.
Ok. I admit it. Not only am i hooked on blogging, i am hooked on the comments i get from blogging. I look forward to checking to see if anyone has read this. It's like christmas morning every day, tiptoeing to the tree.
Really rotten day at work. Since my bangup return from holiday 4 days ago, it's been one lowend customer after another...excruciating. To top it off, another 2,000 dollar cancelation, (just didnt like it, went back to their old latex bed) and the 4,800 thous. tempurpedic king adjustable sale that was delivered today was defective. JEESHHH! That was going on this month's delivered, but not now. To top it off, the customer refused to pay the balance, until it's fixed. I understand, of course...but that means our product is sittting in HER house, not paid for. Guess i am back in the hot seat again. sigh.
Oh well, what is it that i say with unflagging optimism? Tomorrow, always tomorrow, will be another day.......Into the tub i go, vanilla bubbles and some hot earl grey tea.......later.
Monday Morning~~
Rough morning. Long discussion with J. on maryland, life, you name it. At his exact age i was stealthily planning my escape from Alabama. Alabama was where i was shipped, with my brother and sister, after my mom died. A very bad place.........
Am i ready to talk about it? I don't know. Time to put on my happy face and go sell beds. Wearing a soft yellow sweater, with pearl and citrine earrings that my cousin Kelly gave me years ago. I guess i am a true cancerian...i never forget a kindness, and even though i might forgive an injustice, i never forget that, either...Off to work i go.
Rough morning. Long discussion with J. on maryland, life, you name it. At his exact age i was stealthily planning my escape from Alabama. Alabama was where i was shipped, with my brother and sister, after my mom died. A very bad place.........
Am i ready to talk about it? I don't know. Time to put on my happy face and go sell beds. Wearing a soft yellow sweater, with pearl and citrine earrings that my cousin Kelly gave me years ago. I guess i am a true cancerian...i never forget a kindness, and even though i might forgive an injustice, i never forget that, either...Off to work i go.
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Sunday afternoon~~
I just got home from work, and i find myself filled with a divine discontentment. I just want to GO....i don't want to finish up all the stuff here in michigan...I hate having to work at the mattress store for the rest of the summer. If i could magically find 10,000 dollars, that would be all it would take...to set up the account to take care of the house here, to buy a decent vehicle, to pay bills and have a bit of a cushion to start off with....How can somebody that works so hard be poor? It all goes back to "work smarter, not harder", i guess. I have given too much away, of my material things, and my talents, to have accrued the bank account i need right now. I am feeling very alone and meloncholy. Nothing to do with those feelings, except channel them into pressing forward, to my goal.
These are the times i submerge, while the storm rages above the blue line of the water. I lose my legs, and my powerful mermaid tail propels me forward..I open my lips slightly, and the cold water swirls in my mouth. My arms stroke tightly, and i dive to the bottom, with my pearls touching the sand. I am peaceful, home, with tiny seahorses clinging to my hair, heralding my progress. I am peaceful, home.No, i am just a crazy girl, trying to make it all work.
I just got home from work, and i find myself filled with a divine discontentment. I just want to GO....i don't want to finish up all the stuff here in michigan...I hate having to work at the mattress store for the rest of the summer. If i could magically find 10,000 dollars, that would be all it would take...to set up the account to take care of the house here, to buy a decent vehicle, to pay bills and have a bit of a cushion to start off with....How can somebody that works so hard be poor? It all goes back to "work smarter, not harder", i guess. I have given too much away, of my material things, and my talents, to have accrued the bank account i need right now. I am feeling very alone and meloncholy. Nothing to do with those feelings, except channel them into pressing forward, to my goal.
These are the times i submerge, while the storm rages above the blue line of the water. I lose my legs, and my powerful mermaid tail propels me forward..I open my lips slightly, and the cold water swirls in my mouth. My arms stroke tightly, and i dive to the bottom, with my pearls touching the sand. I am peaceful, home, with tiny seahorses clinging to my hair, heralding my progress. I am peaceful, home.No, i am just a crazy girl, trying to make it all work.
Sunday Morning~~
I didn't go to the graduation party last night. My motives for going bothered me. The only reason i was going to go was for political reasons, to keep a tenative hold on my job. Instead, i sent a giftcard, and let it go. I went home and cooked, greek grilled chicken breasts, meatloaf, and sirloin burgers. I puttered around my house, and even read a chapter in my mystery book. My girlfriend Mary heard i was moving to maryland, and invited me over for a long overdue chat. We have been friends for years, the kind of friends that know no boundries of time or commitment, always able to connect, regardless. We drank coffee on her deck in the dark, snuggled in blankets against the chill michigan air. I will miss her.
I didn't go to the graduation party last night. My motives for going bothered me. The only reason i was going to go was for political reasons, to keep a tenative hold on my job. Instead, i sent a giftcard, and let it go. I went home and cooked, greek grilled chicken breasts, meatloaf, and sirloin burgers. I puttered around my house, and even read a chapter in my mystery book. My girlfriend Mary heard i was moving to maryland, and invited me over for a long overdue chat. We have been friends for years, the kind of friends that know no boundries of time or commitment, always able to connect, regardless. We drank coffee on her deck in the dark, snuggled in blankets against the chill michigan air. I will miss her.
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Saturday Morning~~
It's bright, and so beautiful out today. I wish i could stay home and enjoy the fruits of yesterday's labors, but, work calls. Afterwards, we are all going to the boss's son's graduation party. I don't want to go. It will be the first time i have seen him since the old-lady-with-the-bed/denying me the credit card fiasco. Oh well, ought to be interesting. Later......
It's bright, and so beautiful out today. I wish i could stay home and enjoy the fruits of yesterday's labors, but, work calls. Afterwards, we are all going to the boss's son's graduation party. I don't want to go. It will be the first time i have seen him since the old-lady-with-the-bed/denying me the credit card fiasco. Oh well, ought to be interesting. Later......
Friday, June 25, 2004
Friday NIght~~
I stayed outside all day today..There was more work then i thought! But it was a pleasure, working my muscles, making everything tidy and healthy as the sun shone down on me. I'm tired now, though. Just the dishes and clean the bathroom...a few minutes of that mystery novel, and zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I stayed outside all day today..There was more work then i thought! But it was a pleasure, working my muscles, making everything tidy and healthy as the sun shone down on me. I'm tired now, though. Just the dishes and clean the bathroom...a few minutes of that mystery novel, and zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Friday Morning~~
Just after 8 am and i already have half the backyard mowed.All my flowerbeds need weeding, and i think all my green babies have missed me. I have a MILLION things to do today, on my day off. I am just going to take it one step at a time..or else i will fall prey to overload and overwhelm, and get nothing accomplished but a case of nerves. Maybe tonight a picnic dinner under the willow tree at Swan park...It's a beautiful spot where the lake meets the land, the best of two worlds. I will bring a no-brainer mystery novel, and let go of all the excitement in my head for awhile. That is, if i get the gardening, cleaning, cooking, bill paying, blah, blah blah done first...Later!
Just after 8 am and i already have half the backyard mowed.All my flowerbeds need weeding, and i think all my green babies have missed me. I have a MILLION things to do today, on my day off. I am just going to take it one step at a time..or else i will fall prey to overload and overwhelm, and get nothing accomplished but a case of nerves. Maybe tonight a picnic dinner under the willow tree at Swan park...It's a beautiful spot where the lake meets the land, the best of two worlds. I will bring a no-brainer mystery novel, and let go of all the excitement in my head for awhile. That is, if i get the gardening, cleaning, cooking, bill paying, blah, blah blah done first...Later!
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Thursday Nite~~
One more, just one more blog for the nite. I want to tell a story about when i was traveling in Morocco at 22..I was traveling with my boyfriend, Bob, and we were in Marrekeesh, deep in the medina. You can get lost in the medina, or marketplace, forever. Narrow , ancient brick walkways, covered, so the impression was of a maze, impossible to track. We sat in a tiny shop, with a merchant who dealt in oriental rugs. He served us hot mint tea in tiny cups, so sweet it made my teeth ache. Bob was ten years older then i, and fancied himself a great negotiator.(He later became my first husband, but, THAT'S another story). All the while, our arab host with his dark, steamy eyes kept sweeping messages towards me. Bob was a very jelous man, and we had just had a whopping arguement that morning about our travel plans. Hamid reached into his jealoba(traditional man's coat) and pulled out a handful of gems. I was dumbfounded! He asked for me in trade, the rugs and the gems, for me. I looked deep in Bob's eyes, and i knew that for JUST ONE SECOND he wanted to trade me. It is one thing to fantasize about being taken into white slavery, another thing to live the posibility..I gave him that "couple" look....a look that said"if you don't get me out of here right this minute i will make your life so miserable you will wish you were never born" Bob told him i was "too valuable" to trade..We got the rugs, though. We had them shipped back to the states, and when we divorced, i gave them to him. Very few people know that story...but i can still taste the tea, i can still feel the fear and the excitement, i can still see the colours of the gems sparkling in his large, brown hand....Later..
One more, just one more blog for the nite. I want to tell a story about when i was traveling in Morocco at 22..I was traveling with my boyfriend, Bob, and we were in Marrekeesh, deep in the medina. You can get lost in the medina, or marketplace, forever. Narrow , ancient brick walkways, covered, so the impression was of a maze, impossible to track. We sat in a tiny shop, with a merchant who dealt in oriental rugs. He served us hot mint tea in tiny cups, so sweet it made my teeth ache. Bob was ten years older then i, and fancied himself a great negotiator.(He later became my first husband, but, THAT'S another story). All the while, our arab host with his dark, steamy eyes kept sweeping messages towards me. Bob was a very jelous man, and we had just had a whopping arguement that morning about our travel plans. Hamid reached into his jealoba(traditional man's coat) and pulled out a handful of gems. I was dumbfounded! He asked for me in trade, the rugs and the gems, for me. I looked deep in Bob's eyes, and i knew that for JUST ONE SECOND he wanted to trade me. It is one thing to fantasize about being taken into white slavery, another thing to live the posibility..I gave him that "couple" look....a look that said"if you don't get me out of here right this minute i will make your life so miserable you will wish you were never born" Bob told him i was "too valuable" to trade..We got the rugs, though. We had them shipped back to the states, and when we divorced, i gave them to him. Very few people know that story...but i can still taste the tea, i can still feel the fear and the excitement, i can still see the colours of the gems sparkling in his large, brown hand....Later..
thursday nite~~
I know my brother reads my blogs, and i occasionally make him blush. (Sorry, George.) My sensuality will always be a part of me, i breathe it. I feel very sorry for women who worry about their age..you are always sexy, always beautiful, if you just see the different seasons as beautiful unto themself. Who can tell me that spring is more beautiful then fall? That one perfect red leaf, fallen from a tree, is more exquistite then the yellow daffodil of spring? The lushness of a red tomato from a hot july garden more glorious then the first snowfall of winter?Each are perfect. Each are exquisite. Each are delicious. The trick is to pick the right people.. in the right seasons, to appreciate it with. I don't have to cut my hair because i am not young anymore. I don't have to try to be serious, and wear sensible shoes. I like little lacy panties and jeans. I will wear them till i am eighty. And, of course, my pearls.
Maybe a cold bath for the mermaid tonight....later......
I know my brother reads my blogs, and i occasionally make him blush. (Sorry, George.) My sensuality will always be a part of me, i breathe it. I feel very sorry for women who worry about their age..you are always sexy, always beautiful, if you just see the different seasons as beautiful unto themself. Who can tell me that spring is more beautiful then fall? That one perfect red leaf, fallen from a tree, is more exquistite then the yellow daffodil of spring? The lushness of a red tomato from a hot july garden more glorious then the first snowfall of winter?Each are perfect. Each are exquisite. Each are delicious. The trick is to pick the right people.. in the right seasons, to appreciate it with. I don't have to cut my hair because i am not young anymore. I don't have to try to be serious, and wear sensible shoes. I like little lacy panties and jeans. I will wear them till i am eighty. And, of course, my pearls.
Maybe a cold bath for the mermaid tonight....later......
Thursday nite~~
There is nothing like a warm little pussycat asleep on your lap.Little orange kitty is snuggled up, and i love it. I couldn't wait to get home and write...the last two days were tough ones at work. I had a comfort return yesterday, which means you have to help someone choose a new mattress, find a way to not LOSE money by them choosing a less expensive set, and do it as quickly as possible so you don't lose an "up" while you are doing it. Handled alot of customer service issues too, and followed up with manufacturers.
Today, my first task was to process another cancelation...a king tempurpedic set of mine...2,ooo dollars , POOF! gone from my commission. What can you do? i could have let it make me miserable, but, a salesperson who looks defeated IS defeated, so i kept up my spirits. Twin after twin mattress sales "What's your cheapest twin?" was the mantra today...while Pat had people coming in saying "I need two queen sets, one for me and one for my wife, and a full set for the guest room"..JEEESHHHHHH! I still did my best, and kept my faith that God will take care of me tucked tight to my heart, because, somehow, He always does.
The ultimate temptation came at five minutes to nine pm, just FIVE minutes before closing time. One of Garry's customer's came in with his card to show her husband the bed she had looked at on tuesday with him. For a minute, i was tempted...It would have been so easy to chat them up, have them try a few more beds, and take half the sale.Doing the wrong thing is so easy to rationalize..."but he has stolen so much from me!" "but, i gave him extra ups tuesday because he couldnt sell a thing!" The bottom line is, two wrongs don't make a right. I wrote up the sale in his name, only.God will take care of me, right? sigh....later.
There is nothing like a warm little pussycat asleep on your lap.Little orange kitty is snuggled up, and i love it. I couldn't wait to get home and write...the last two days were tough ones at work. I had a comfort return yesterday, which means you have to help someone choose a new mattress, find a way to not LOSE money by them choosing a less expensive set, and do it as quickly as possible so you don't lose an "up" while you are doing it. Handled alot of customer service issues too, and followed up with manufacturers.
Today, my first task was to process another cancelation...a king tempurpedic set of mine...2,ooo dollars , POOF! gone from my commission. What can you do? i could have let it make me miserable, but, a salesperson who looks defeated IS defeated, so i kept up my spirits. Twin after twin mattress sales "What's your cheapest twin?" was the mantra today...while Pat had people coming in saying "I need two queen sets, one for me and one for my wife, and a full set for the guest room"..JEEESHHHHHH! I still did my best, and kept my faith that God will take care of me tucked tight to my heart, because, somehow, He always does.
The ultimate temptation came at five minutes to nine pm, just FIVE minutes before closing time. One of Garry's customer's came in with his card to show her husband the bed she had looked at on tuesday with him. For a minute, i was tempted...It would have been so easy to chat them up, have them try a few more beds, and take half the sale.Doing the wrong thing is so easy to rationalize..."but he has stolen so much from me!" "but, i gave him extra ups tuesday because he couldnt sell a thing!" The bottom line is, two wrongs don't make a right. I wrote up the sale in his name, only.God will take care of me, right? sigh....later.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Wednesday Night~~
I am lonely tonight. I want to be held, to be kissed, to have someone put their arm around me because i am their lady.I am tired of being strong, and capable, and the rock others depend on. I have made my choice to be with Rikk, and to be loyal and loving though we are seperated, so, i will have to deal with it. Time for a long bath and bubbles and a serious peptalk with myself. Guess i am just tired of being a "one". Later...
I am lonely tonight. I want to be held, to be kissed, to have someone put their arm around me because i am their lady.I am tired of being strong, and capable, and the rock others depend on. I have made my choice to be with Rikk, and to be loyal and loving though we are seperated, so, i will have to deal with it. Time for a long bath and bubbles and a serious peptalk with myself. Guess i am just tired of being a "one". Later...
Wednesday Morning~~
Wanted to mention...Remember the little old lady who wanted to return her bed? After all that fuss (and i am still in trouble over it!) Lenny told me they took it back, and charged her 250.00 for the trouble. She ended up happy with the store, and they are going to donate the mattress for a tax write-off. It would have been so much easier if they had done that in the first place, like i suggested...oh, well...it ended okay, and that's what matters.
G. was back to his old self, grouchy and negative.Deb and Lenny seem to be deepening their business relationship, and Dave is still in the hospital..Me? I was totally focused on sales, and let all else float away. I laughed and made friends with all the strangers who came through the door, just by being myself. I wrote 3,400.~~ not a bad day at all.Time to jump in the shower and do it again...later.
Wanted to mention...Remember the little old lady who wanted to return her bed? After all that fuss (and i am still in trouble over it!) Lenny told me they took it back, and charged her 250.00 for the trouble. She ended up happy with the store, and they are going to donate the mattress for a tax write-off. It would have been so much easier if they had done that in the first place, like i suggested...oh, well...it ended okay, and that's what matters.
G. was back to his old self, grouchy and negative.Deb and Lenny seem to be deepening their business relationship, and Dave is still in the hospital..Me? I was totally focused on sales, and let all else float away. I laughed and made friends with all the strangers who came through the door, just by being myself. I wrote 3,400.~~ not a bad day at all.Time to jump in the shower and do it again...later.
Wednesday morning~~
Stayed up too late last night, talking to Todd and his girlfriend. He mentioned his left arm was aching, and that scared me. When he was 11, he was diagnosed with ventricular tachycardia. In essence, its a misfire in the heart's electrical system,causing it to race. He took pills to control it for 5 years, and then at 16 decided he was healed...It was a miracle, because, he WAS. That was a tough 5 years, not knowing if my child was going to die, and trying to just go about the everyday business of life.
Those first days of his illness, the ride in the ambulance, the week in intensive care..no money, no insurance, and a husband who came to the hospital reeking of vodka..Prayer was my constant companion,my way through it all..as it remains today.
Stayed up too late last night, talking to Todd and his girlfriend. He mentioned his left arm was aching, and that scared me. When he was 11, he was diagnosed with ventricular tachycardia. In essence, its a misfire in the heart's electrical system,causing it to race. He took pills to control it for 5 years, and then at 16 decided he was healed...It was a miracle, because, he WAS. That was a tough 5 years, not knowing if my child was going to die, and trying to just go about the everyday business of life.
Those first days of his illness, the ride in the ambulance, the week in intensive care..no money, no insurance, and a husband who came to the hospital reeking of vodka..Prayer was my constant companion,my way through it all..as it remains today.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Tuesday Morning~~
Good Morning, world! Before first impressions fade, more on maryland. We arrived friday, mid afternoon. I walked up the wide brick steps to the porch, and into the house.. A dream come true..There were the sunlit rooms with buttercream walls and high ceilings. Creaky oak floors and cutglass doorknobs. The fireplace, and the dining room built for good food, laughter, and best of all, family. And that was the essence of the whole trip.Family, that ever expanding tribe I belong to.
The natural beauty of the area? Imagine walking on a sugursand beach, with a herd of wild ponies beside you. Listen to the sea whisper it's secrets. Smell the salt in the air, as the wind blows your hair.
It's calling me home.
Good Morning, world! Before first impressions fade, more on maryland. We arrived friday, mid afternoon. I walked up the wide brick steps to the porch, and into the house.. A dream come true..There were the sunlit rooms with buttercream walls and high ceilings. Creaky oak floors and cutglass doorknobs. The fireplace, and the dining room built for good food, laughter, and best of all, family. And that was the essence of the whole trip.Family, that ever expanding tribe I belong to.
The natural beauty of the area? Imagine walking on a sugursand beach, with a herd of wild ponies beside you. Listen to the sea whisper it's secrets. Smell the salt in the air, as the wind blows your hair.
It's calling me home.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Sunday Night.~
Home safe. Too tired, too wired, to write. I am just going to copy the beginning of my trip, that i wrote longhand, in desperation to blog, thursday nite.
Thursday, 10pm.
" I am writing this in true mermaid fashion, sitting in the bathtub of the Red Roof Inn, in Monroeville,Pa.The tub is not deep, but the water is hot, and embraces me. Justin and I should still be on the road, about 2 hours from Berlin, Md, but we ran into such ferocious rain in the mountains we finally said," Enough."
What has me still shaking, though, is this. We left at 2pm, sunny skies and high spirits. Justin is a fabulous copilot, and played music that perfectly fit our mood. At 7:15 pm, we stopped for gas, and that's when the sky began to gush. Twice I lost sight, as a sheet of water covered the windshield. No choice, just grip the wheel and point forward, unseeing. We had just gotten into the Pittsburgh area, which is near the Allegany Mountains.Traffic stopped, and then we saw it...A red compact car, crushed, with 4 firemen and the jaws of life, trying to extract a woman trapped in the drivers seat. One minute later,we gazed in horror at the cause... a semi, flipped, wheels still spinning..Who hit who? Was it the rain, jetting 10 feet high over the median, and the flash flood spilling over the roadway? Was it the darkening mountain mist, or the foolishness of 80 miles an hour in hazardous conditons? And what about me, so frightened and so game, traveling these mountains that others take for granted,( not afraid to drive? )All I know is, 15 minutes before we saw the accident, J. and I were alone on the freeway, somehow escaping the rush of cars. The clouds had rolled in, the sky black as pitch to the east, where we were headed.And suddenly, there it was, a perfect double rainbow, framed by mountain mist and placid farmland. I slowed, and J. shot pictures, in awe of the magic in the sky. Did that 15 minutes keep US from being that little red car? That was the slim window of opportunity. Did the angels save us?Was it just simple timing? Hmmn.....
And that was the start of the trip....tomorrow, always tomorrow., this mermaid is going to take off her clothes, snuggle deep in her familiar, lovely bed...and sleep. Later..
Home safe. Too tired, too wired, to write. I am just going to copy the beginning of my trip, that i wrote longhand, in desperation to blog, thursday nite.
Thursday, 10pm.
" I am writing this in true mermaid fashion, sitting in the bathtub of the Red Roof Inn, in Monroeville,Pa.The tub is not deep, but the water is hot, and embraces me. Justin and I should still be on the road, about 2 hours from Berlin, Md, but we ran into such ferocious rain in the mountains we finally said," Enough."
What has me still shaking, though, is this. We left at 2pm, sunny skies and high spirits. Justin is a fabulous copilot, and played music that perfectly fit our mood. At 7:15 pm, we stopped for gas, and that's when the sky began to gush. Twice I lost sight, as a sheet of water covered the windshield. No choice, just grip the wheel and point forward, unseeing. We had just gotten into the Pittsburgh area, which is near the Allegany Mountains.Traffic stopped, and then we saw it...A red compact car, crushed, with 4 firemen and the jaws of life, trying to extract a woman trapped in the drivers seat. One minute later,we gazed in horror at the cause... a semi, flipped, wheels still spinning..Who hit who? Was it the rain, jetting 10 feet high over the median, and the flash flood spilling over the roadway? Was it the darkening mountain mist, or the foolishness of 80 miles an hour in hazardous conditons? And what about me, so frightened and so game, traveling these mountains that others take for granted,( not afraid to drive? )All I know is, 15 minutes before we saw the accident, J. and I were alone on the freeway, somehow escaping the rush of cars. The clouds had rolled in, the sky black as pitch to the east, where we were headed.And suddenly, there it was, a perfect double rainbow, framed by mountain mist and placid farmland. I slowed, and J. shot pictures, in awe of the magic in the sky. Did that 15 minutes keep US from being that little red car? That was the slim window of opportunity. Did the angels save us?Was it just simple timing? Hmmn.....
And that was the start of the trip....tomorrow, always tomorrow., this mermaid is going to take off her clothes, snuggle deep in her familiar, lovely bed...and sleep. Later..
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Wednesday Night~~
Sleepy, sensual, tired, tonight. The eve of a trip(anywhere) makes me excited...What will i see? what will i feel? what will i learn? I confess, i am terrified of driving. I am terrified of being a woman alone. I am terrified...well, of the unknown. But, i am doing it anyway. If i didn't, it would be like refusing to grow a garden, because a bee might sting you. Is the sting fatal? Or is it just a pinch, grown to gargantuan proportians because of the fear of the stinger?
I said i was sleepy...that's understandable, with my work schedule. Sensual?Adventure always makes me feel wicked, wild, ready. Tired? Oh, lord, i am not packed or finished everything.....I am going to give it up. Braid my hair.(it's too hot). Brush my teeth. Say my prayers. My prayer is..."dear God, bless this journey." Amen. ....Later
Sleepy, sensual, tired, tonight. The eve of a trip(anywhere) makes me excited...What will i see? what will i feel? what will i learn? I confess, i am terrified of driving. I am terrified of being a woman alone. I am terrified...well, of the unknown. But, i am doing it anyway. If i didn't, it would be like refusing to grow a garden, because a bee might sting you. Is the sting fatal? Or is it just a pinch, grown to gargantuan proportians because of the fear of the stinger?
I said i was sleepy...that's understandable, with my work schedule. Sensual?Adventure always makes me feel wicked, wild, ready. Tired? Oh, lord, i am not packed or finished everything.....I am going to give it up. Braid my hair.(it's too hot). Brush my teeth. Say my prayers. My prayer is..."dear God, bless this journey." Amen. ....Later
Wednesday Morning~~
Here i am, doing my fine and well practiced Chicken Little impersonation. So much to do!! I just keep clucking and running in circles. The two back to back 11 hour work days don't help(today will be three,jeezzz...Justin gets an "atta boy" today..Last night i came home to a clean house, and dinner cooked..his first lone attempt at culinary genius. Roasted boneless pork ribs in a savory lemon pepper au jus with mushrooms. I avoid pork, but, it was excellant! He said he was exhausted, and cleaning house was hard work..HA! It did my heart good to see him on his hands and knees, cleaning the bathroom floor. Walk in my moccassins, little indian, it's good for you. I want to write more, but, off to work i go...
Here i am, doing my fine and well practiced Chicken Little impersonation. So much to do!! I just keep clucking and running in circles. The two back to back 11 hour work days don't help(today will be three,jeezzz...Justin gets an "atta boy" today..Last night i came home to a clean house, and dinner cooked..his first lone attempt at culinary genius. Roasted boneless pork ribs in a savory lemon pepper au jus with mushrooms. I avoid pork, but, it was excellant! He said he was exhausted, and cleaning house was hard work..HA! It did my heart good to see him on his hands and knees, cleaning the bathroom floor. Walk in my moccassins, little indian, it's good for you. I want to write more, but, off to work i go...
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Tuesday Night~~
They say that men think about sex every 5 minutes. I have asked men i know about that statistic, and they usually nod "yes" but fail to go into any detail. Could it be true? The only thing i can think of is that we women are wired very differently, because, i know I don't think about sex every 5 minutes. Maybe the other part of that is the penis. I mean, we are tucked in...and tuck ourselves in even tighter with panties and pantyhose.To pee can be a ritual in itself, peeling the layers. But a man? He wakes up more often then not with a lovely exclamation mark of his maleness, and every time he moves, feels the weight and swing. I wish, just for a tiny second, i could have one, because it looks like so much fun to play with!(attached, i mean)I am glad i am a woman, though. I like being secret, and protected, and not easy to get to. I have no earthly idea why i even thought of this subject tonight..Maybe it was the ride home from work, the sun a violent tangerine circle, plunging into the coulds. It made me think of passion,of possession, of entrance. I miss Rikk. I hesitate to write this, because i know i am showing part of that secret me, that i don't share. It's too late now. I will write, i will write, i WILL write. Later...
They say that men think about sex every 5 minutes. I have asked men i know about that statistic, and they usually nod "yes" but fail to go into any detail. Could it be true? The only thing i can think of is that we women are wired very differently, because, i know I don't think about sex every 5 minutes. Maybe the other part of that is the penis. I mean, we are tucked in...and tuck ourselves in even tighter with panties and pantyhose.To pee can be a ritual in itself, peeling the layers. But a man? He wakes up more often then not with a lovely exclamation mark of his maleness, and every time he moves, feels the weight and swing. I wish, just for a tiny second, i could have one, because it looks like so much fun to play with!(attached, i mean)I am glad i am a woman, though. I like being secret, and protected, and not easy to get to. I have no earthly idea why i even thought of this subject tonight..Maybe it was the ride home from work, the sun a violent tangerine circle, plunging into the coulds. It made me think of passion,of possession, of entrance. I miss Rikk. I hesitate to write this, because i know i am showing part of that secret me, that i don't share. It's too late now. I will write, i will write, i WILL write. Later...
Monday, June 14, 2004
Monday Damn Night~~
I am not finished. What Dave (the boss) did to me, demoralized Garry and Debbie. They both offered me their credit cards,(which i refused). Instead, i told them"let this be a lesson to you...if he can do this to me, he can do it to you." A funeral pall settled over the store, and I don't think Dave will ever recoup from the loss of security each of us felt.
But, naive little never giving up warrior that i am....I found a car company that will take my cash(and my debit card)...It is not final yet, but i will try tomorrow. And for those of you that are laughing, (though i am sure not maliciously)..It is Hertz....in case you ever have the need to rent a car without all the approved credit to do so. See how it works? I just gave a referral to Hertz...Enterprize gets a thumbs down., because of their stringent requirements...and the place i work? well.....who was it that said it so eloquently? " instant karma's gonna get you.". I am finished now.....thank God for Moonlight sonata...as it cools this passionate fire of mine.
I am not finished. What Dave (the boss) did to me, demoralized Garry and Debbie. They both offered me their credit cards,(which i refused). Instead, i told them"let this be a lesson to you...if he can do this to me, he can do it to you." A funeral pall settled over the store, and I don't think Dave will ever recoup from the loss of security each of us felt.
But, naive little never giving up warrior that i am....I found a car company that will take my cash(and my debit card)...It is not final yet, but i will try tomorrow. And for those of you that are laughing, (though i am sure not maliciously)..It is Hertz....in case you ever have the need to rent a car without all the approved credit to do so. See how it works? I just gave a referral to Hertz...Enterprize gets a thumbs down., because of their stringent requirements...and the place i work? well.....who was it that said it so eloquently? " instant karma's gonna get you.". I am finished now.....thank God for Moonlight sonata...as it cools this passionate fire of mine.
Monday Night~~
When the cosmic wrecking ball hits, why aren't we given at least a "HEAD'S UP!!" Today I finalized my reservations to rent a car for the trip to maryland this thursday...My boss was letting me use the company credit card for the hold they place while the car is being used, because my credit card balance is so tiny. Today he told his son, (from his hospital bed) NO...forget it...i am not helping her. I was so shocked, i was speechless. It was because of my defense of the little old lady with the adjustable bed, i am sure. He thought i was trying to defy him, but, really, it was a confusing situation, with him giving me all sorts of alternatives, and me choosing the one(in my distress) that sounded the most workable. He STILL doesnt see the sense in helping her, giving her her money back. I am going to make a F@***ing horrible witness to THAT law suit, for, so help me God, i will be on her side, regardless of my personal repurcussions. What is right is right, and it is NOT right to be so insensitive to a sick old woman. I wish i was rich! I could fix this in a new jersey minute.DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!
So, i spent half the day composed, half the day running outside, crying. Quite the feat for a salewoman. ..WE have to be happy, exude confidence in our selves, our store, our product.000000000000000000000000hhhhhhhhhhhh Life, doing the right thing, can be so hard.
When the cosmic wrecking ball hits, why aren't we given at least a "HEAD'S UP!!" Today I finalized my reservations to rent a car for the trip to maryland this thursday...My boss was letting me use the company credit card for the hold they place while the car is being used, because my credit card balance is so tiny. Today he told his son, (from his hospital bed) NO...forget it...i am not helping her. I was so shocked, i was speechless. It was because of my defense of the little old lady with the adjustable bed, i am sure. He thought i was trying to defy him, but, really, it was a confusing situation, with him giving me all sorts of alternatives, and me choosing the one(in my distress) that sounded the most workable. He STILL doesnt see the sense in helping her, giving her her money back. I am going to make a F@***ing horrible witness to THAT law suit, for, so help me God, i will be on her side, regardless of my personal repurcussions. What is right is right, and it is NOT right to be so insensitive to a sick old woman. I wish i was rich! I could fix this in a new jersey minute.DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!
So, i spent half the day composed, half the day running outside, crying. Quite the feat for a salewoman. ..WE have to be happy, exude confidence in our selves, our store, our product.000000000000000000000000hhhhhhhhhhhh Life, doing the right thing, can be so hard.
Monday Morning~~
Who did little Peter Rabbit see? Another Big person, but this one spoke softly"where is your mum, little rabbit? Are you all alone?" Peter's nose switched,and his little ears wiggled, which was rabbit talk for "i am all alone, and hungry" Each day the Big person with the soft voice brought water and apples to little Peter. He let her get closer and closer to him, because he knew she wouldn't hurt him. Another big person started to come, and she brought him apples and carrots and even broccoli!Peter grew bigger and bigger, and began to hop through the grass towards the big fence where he last saw his mum, but he always came back to his little cave to sleep.He dreamed of a great adventure, hopping away from the cave to find his mum and brothers and sisters. (((Hmnnn...how to end the story?)I don't want peter in a rabbit stew, i dont want him to leave the cave yet, either))) Well, we will just have to wait and see....Later.
Who did little Peter Rabbit see? Another Big person, but this one spoke softly"where is your mum, little rabbit? Are you all alone?" Peter's nose switched,and his little ears wiggled, which was rabbit talk for "i am all alone, and hungry" Each day the Big person with the soft voice brought water and apples to little Peter. He let her get closer and closer to him, because he knew she wouldn't hurt him. Another big person started to come, and she brought him apples and carrots and even broccoli!Peter grew bigger and bigger, and began to hop through the grass towards the big fence where he last saw his mum, but he always came back to his little cave to sleep.He dreamed of a great adventure, hopping away from the cave to find his mum and brothers and sisters. (((Hmnnn...how to end the story?)I don't want peter in a rabbit stew, i dont want him to leave the cave yet, either))) Well, we will just have to wait and see....Later.
Sunday, June 13, 2004
Sunday Night~~
I think i want to tell a story. I am enjoying so much, the daily bits and pieces and thoughts i have...but, truth be told, i am boring myself a little. I have been thinking about creating a new blog, a kind of adult one, that is all about sexuality....But, i think that is something to come at a later date. It is raw enough to show myself in this blog, naked as it makes me feel, without a blog devoted just to sex. But, sex is so good, so joyous, so wicked, so spiritual, that i know that one is going to birth itself from this site, regardless of my puritan protests to the contrary.
Just a little tiny step...a story tonight for children...a modern day Peter Rabbit...
Once upon a time, in a little town surrounded by lakes, little ones and big ones and lakes that came suddenly around corners, there lived a little rabbit named Peter.
This was a lonely little rabbit. His mum and 6 brothers and 2 sisters lived in a thicket of trees, against a tall fence. He was just a tiny rabbit, and could fit in the hand of a little boy of 5 or so. One day, two great big Men came, with large roaring lawnmowers and weedwackers, and scared Peter's mum and brothers and sisters. "RUN! RUN! said his mum, and everyone flew, on their tiny fast legs, with their cottonball tails bobbing through the grass. Peter thought his sisters and brothers were behind him, as his heart beat fast and he ran. He ended up next to a tall building, with a crumbling porch and a black iron railing. Quickly he darted under the porch, which was a like a safe little cave. He turned around, expecting his mum, his brothers, his sisters, but all he saw was the legs of the big men, and heard the roar of the mower.
He was alone....He cried, little rabbit tears and sighs, and fell asleep.The next morning, he ventured out...Who did he see???(to be continued) Later....
I think i want to tell a story. I am enjoying so much, the daily bits and pieces and thoughts i have...but, truth be told, i am boring myself a little. I have been thinking about creating a new blog, a kind of adult one, that is all about sexuality....But, i think that is something to come at a later date. It is raw enough to show myself in this blog, naked as it makes me feel, without a blog devoted just to sex. But, sex is so good, so joyous, so wicked, so spiritual, that i know that one is going to birth itself from this site, regardless of my puritan protests to the contrary.
Just a little tiny step...a story tonight for children...a modern day Peter Rabbit...
Once upon a time, in a little town surrounded by lakes, little ones and big ones and lakes that came suddenly around corners, there lived a little rabbit named Peter.
This was a lonely little rabbit. His mum and 6 brothers and 2 sisters lived in a thicket of trees, against a tall fence. He was just a tiny rabbit, and could fit in the hand of a little boy of 5 or so. One day, two great big Men came, with large roaring lawnmowers and weedwackers, and scared Peter's mum and brothers and sisters. "RUN! RUN! said his mum, and everyone flew, on their tiny fast legs, with their cottonball tails bobbing through the grass. Peter thought his sisters and brothers were behind him, as his heart beat fast and he ran. He ended up next to a tall building, with a crumbling porch and a black iron railing. Quickly he darted under the porch, which was a like a safe little cave. He turned around, expecting his mum, his brothers, his sisters, but all he saw was the legs of the big men, and heard the roar of the mower.
He was alone....He cried, little rabbit tears and sighs, and fell asleep.The next morning, he ventured out...Who did he see???(to be continued) Later....
Sunday Morning~~
ONE HUNDRED TIMES!!Thank you blogger, for giving me this place.I have always loved to write, but never have written consistantly, faithfully. My writing has always been a one-night stand, passionate and then forgotten. THIS feels like a marriage.Slept a solid ten hours last night, and i feel great! Have to work today, but it's an easy day, only 7 hours, instead of my normal 10-11.I hear a redbird out in the trees. Time for a happy walk to start my day.....Later.
ONE HUNDRED TIMES!!Thank you blogger, for giving me this place.I have always loved to write, but never have written consistantly, faithfully. My writing has always been a one-night stand, passionate and then forgotten. THIS feels like a marriage.Slept a solid ten hours last night, and i feel great! Have to work today, but it's an easy day, only 7 hours, instead of my normal 10-11.I hear a redbird out in the trees. Time for a happy walk to start my day.....Later.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Saturday Night~~
This is the first painful blog i have written. Painful, because i am so tired, and i have so much to do...so much, in fact, that i am a cat chasing her tail. But i have promised myself to write everyday, (at least if i am physically near the computer) and now, with the advent of audio blog, even that block is lifted.
So, so, tired...i have been grocery shopping, and the house is full of boxes half packed, my hurried whirlwind to get everything done,instead,leaving everything half done. I long for long blocks of time, to do things properly, but, i don't think that luxury is mine for the taking right now.
I want to watch a movie, i want to finish everything up...but, i think i will just sleep...Last night my stalwart plan of sleeping at ninepm went awry...J. woke me at midnight, needing to talk, needing a healing, and then i couldnt sleep til five am. Up again at 7am, and i have been going nonstop since then.Sometime soon i will write about this strange healing ability i have, but right now, i guess my best advise is"physican, heal thyself"...The hippocratic oath...that we all should follow. Thanks to my posters, for giving me their feelings, their observations, as i lie upon the bottom of the sea, barely swiping my tail, against the sand, against the tide., once again.
This is the first painful blog i have written. Painful, because i am so tired, and i have so much to do...so much, in fact, that i am a cat chasing her tail. But i have promised myself to write everyday, (at least if i am physically near the computer) and now, with the advent of audio blog, even that block is lifted.
So, so, tired...i have been grocery shopping, and the house is full of boxes half packed, my hurried whirlwind to get everything done,instead,leaving everything half done. I long for long blocks of time, to do things properly, but, i don't think that luxury is mine for the taking right now.
I want to watch a movie, i want to finish everything up...but, i think i will just sleep...Last night my stalwart plan of sleeping at ninepm went awry...J. woke me at midnight, needing to talk, needing a healing, and then i couldnt sleep til five am. Up again at 7am, and i have been going nonstop since then.Sometime soon i will write about this strange healing ability i have, but right now, i guess my best advise is"physican, heal thyself"...The hippocratic oath...that we all should follow. Thanks to my posters, for giving me their feelings, their observations, as i lie upon the bottom of the sea, barely swiping my tail, against the sand, against the tide., once again.
Friday, June 11, 2004
Friday morning~~
Still raining,gently, and cool. I usually think it's a cosmic slap when it rains on my day off, but today i am accepting it as a sign to keep working inside.I came across a photo tucked into a book while i was sorting yesterday. It was me, standing on a rocky incline in Greece, when i was 22. An ancient column to my left,an expanse of blue sky behind me.I am looking squarely at the camera,and a wind blows my skirt and hair. I am smiling faintly, confidently. Today, there is no ancient column, no windswept sky, but i am the same woman today as then. Ready to adventure, still able to smile. Later....
Still raining,gently, and cool. I usually think it's a cosmic slap when it rains on my day off, but today i am accepting it as a sign to keep working inside.I came across a photo tucked into a book while i was sorting yesterday. It was me, standing on a rocky incline in Greece, when i was 22. An ancient column to my left,an expanse of blue sky behind me.I am looking squarely at the camera,and a wind blows my skirt and hair. I am smiling faintly, confidently. Today, there is no ancient column, no windswept sky, but i am the same woman today as then. Ready to adventure, still able to smile. Later....
Thursday, June 10, 2004
THURSDAY NITE~~
Drinking water from my crystal glass...with a lovely glass of Fortissimo on the side. I have decided today, without seeing the house, that i am moving to Maryland. I have been anxious that i can't afford it, but, i am letting the fear go. I trust my sister and brother-in-law. All will be well and as it should be. I packed my first box! I felt a tightening in my stomach as i packed, and my ears were perked up, like a horse ready for a ride. I surprised myself...who was that organized lady who listed each item on a legal pad, then typed 2 copies, (one for a master list/one taped to the box) to facilitate the move? It was ME! Justin started to mutter little panic stricken mumbles when he saw me pack,about not going. I told him he would be 18 in 2 months, it was his choice....but, if i was in his shoes, i'd go. And, in scarlet's famous line, "frankly, my dear, i don't give a damn"...i didn't say it, but that is what i was thinking....it's time for an adventure, for new people and places, time to leave a home and make a home....time for sand and sea and sky.
I have 2 big boxes for the garage sale that is postponed...but, at least i will be ready when it happens. The mortgage guy called again...am 98% sure of the refinance now...with an interest rate lowered over 4%. Looks like all is pointing at me moving between Sept 1st and the 15th...As far as the trip next week, well, i am still praying....taxes due on june 14th...maybe a greyhound? ride the dog? that should be cheap...i will check into it tomorrow...Tomorrow? did i say tomorrow? ah, the beauty of hope, of tomorrows, of trying until you get it right. later....
Drinking water from my crystal glass...with a lovely glass of Fortissimo on the side. I have decided today, without seeing the house, that i am moving to Maryland. I have been anxious that i can't afford it, but, i am letting the fear go. I trust my sister and brother-in-law. All will be well and as it should be. I packed my first box! I felt a tightening in my stomach as i packed, and my ears were perked up, like a horse ready for a ride. I surprised myself...who was that organized lady who listed each item on a legal pad, then typed 2 copies, (one for a master list/one taped to the box) to facilitate the move? It was ME! Justin started to mutter little panic stricken mumbles when he saw me pack,about not going. I told him he would be 18 in 2 months, it was his choice....but, if i was in his shoes, i'd go. And, in scarlet's famous line, "frankly, my dear, i don't give a damn"...i didn't say it, but that is what i was thinking....it's time for an adventure, for new people and places, time to leave a home and make a home....time for sand and sea and sky.
I have 2 big boxes for the garage sale that is postponed...but, at least i will be ready when it happens. The mortgage guy called again...am 98% sure of the refinance now...with an interest rate lowered over 4%. Looks like all is pointing at me moving between Sept 1st and the 15th...As far as the trip next week, well, i am still praying....taxes due on june 14th...maybe a greyhound? ride the dog? that should be cheap...i will check into it tomorrow...Tomorrow? did i say tomorrow? ah, the beauty of hope, of tomorrows, of trying until you get it right. later....
Thursday Morning~~
Bleary eyed and wildhaired this morning..I stayed up reading half the night, lulled by the sound of the rain outside my window. Sometimes i just have to read all night...the house breathes in slower rhythmn, and so do i. And today? No garage sale for me. Still raining, and cool, and gray. Perhaps a blessing in disguise, because it will force me inside the house, to clean and organise and start packing.Good news on the refinance yesterday...I am 90% there. I have been juggling finances so often and for so long,sigh. I am amazed at my resourcefulness., my calm and daring under fire, lol. I just hope i can juggle high and fast enough to go to maryland next week....so, with that thought in mind, time to pay bills and see what's left in the cookie jar.....later
Bleary eyed and wildhaired this morning..I stayed up reading half the night, lulled by the sound of the rain outside my window. Sometimes i just have to read all night...the house breathes in slower rhythmn, and so do i. And today? No garage sale for me. Still raining, and cool, and gray. Perhaps a blessing in disguise, because it will force me inside the house, to clean and organise and start packing.Good news on the refinance yesterday...I am 90% there. I have been juggling finances so often and for so long,sigh. I am amazed at my resourcefulness., my calm and daring under fire, lol. I just hope i can juggle high and fast enough to go to maryland next week....so, with that thought in mind, time to pay bills and see what's left in the cookie jar.....later
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Wednesday Morning~~
Yesterday was such a hellish day. Someone is always in the hotseat at work, and it was my turn yesterday. It is so poisenous there. Why can't i learn to brown-nose like everyone else? With my face, it's impossible. Every emotion shows through.Customer service problem again..My 84 year old sickly lady hated her adjustable bed and wanted to return it. I knew for 2 weeks that it was a bomb ready to go off..brought it to their attention, but no one would address it. The boss ranted and raved, saying he wouldn't take it back without a 200 dollar charge, then he wasn't taking it back at all, ect. I called her and told her we would take it back, and i would personally pay the 200 charge. That was when he REALLY hit the roof...because he didn't want to take it back at all. Horrible. The profit could be made up by my loss of comission and the 200 dollars,and selling the base at least as a floor model. Instead, he is going to give a sweet old lady a stroke. I was so upset i went and got my check, ready to walk. I sat at my desk, tears of rage gathering in my eyes,trying to will my legs from walking. As i sat there, the boss held meetings with Debbie, then his son, then Pat, about me. He held them in his office, way at the other end of the store, so at least i was alone. I kept convincing myself of all the reasons to stay, while my heart said GO!! For once, my head ruled, and i will stay there until i accomplish my goals. Then home to a screwed up computer, what a day..!Now it's time to go back, one more day of hell before my two days off. Oh well, i can do it. Later...
Yesterday was such a hellish day. Someone is always in the hotseat at work, and it was my turn yesterday. It is so poisenous there. Why can't i learn to brown-nose like everyone else? With my face, it's impossible. Every emotion shows through.Customer service problem again..My 84 year old sickly lady hated her adjustable bed and wanted to return it. I knew for 2 weeks that it was a bomb ready to go off..brought it to their attention, but no one would address it. The boss ranted and raved, saying he wouldn't take it back without a 200 dollar charge, then he wasn't taking it back at all, ect. I called her and told her we would take it back, and i would personally pay the 200 charge. That was when he REALLY hit the roof...because he didn't want to take it back at all. Horrible. The profit could be made up by my loss of comission and the 200 dollars,and selling the base at least as a floor model. Instead, he is going to give a sweet old lady a stroke. I was so upset i went and got my check, ready to walk. I sat at my desk, tears of rage gathering in my eyes,trying to will my legs from walking. As i sat there, the boss held meetings with Debbie, then his son, then Pat, about me. He held them in his office, way at the other end of the store, so at least i was alone. I kept convincing myself of all the reasons to stay, while my heart said GO!! For once, my head ruled, and i will stay there until i accomplish my goals. Then home to a screwed up computer, what a day..!Now it's time to go back, one more day of hell before my two days off. Oh well, i can do it. Later...
Wednesday Morning~~
I am so tired now...but VICTORIOUS!! any second the rotten modem might kick out, but, i managed to teach myself audioblog, and at least get on for a bit. So sorry, Diva, the damn computer kicked out as we were talking...It might go out for good, at least until they send the new modem 5 days from now....but, i will keep trying....
Off to bed., its so very late, and i am so very stressed, and my room will be dark and hot. I sleep so quickly, so soundly, that this past week of tossing and waking and sweating has me cranky and off kilter. But, if you read this blog regularly, you know my motto..."Tomorrow, always tomorrow"" curling up to sleep, now.....later
I am so tired now...but VICTORIOUS!! any second the rotten modem might kick out, but, i managed to teach myself audioblog, and at least get on for a bit. So sorry, Diva, the damn computer kicked out as we were talking...It might go out for good, at least until they send the new modem 5 days from now....but, i will keep trying....
Off to bed., its so very late, and i am so very stressed, and my room will be dark and hot. I sleep so quickly, so soundly, that this past week of tossing and waking and sweating has me cranky and off kilter. But, if you read this blog regularly, you know my motto..."Tomorrow, always tomorrow"" curling up to sleep, now.....later
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Tuesday Morning~~
I am ready to go to work, all jazzed up in pink and pearls and black leather pumps. It happened again with the redbird. I was watering in the backyard, idly watching the spray of water, thinking about my earlier post, when i heard that distinctive bird voice"pretty, pretty, pretty" I called out to the green of the trees "I hear you, you are so beautiful" And there he was. He flew out of the trees, landing on a telephone wire not three feet from me. He looked at me, sang again, and looked some more.I was spellbound. He flew off, and i was left with an eerie feeling. What is he trying to tell me?
I am ready to go to work, all jazzed up in pink and pearls and black leather pumps. It happened again with the redbird. I was watering in the backyard, idly watching the spray of water, thinking about my earlier post, when i heard that distinctive bird voice"pretty, pretty, pretty" I called out to the green of the trees "I hear you, you are so beautiful" And there he was. He flew out of the trees, landing on a telephone wire not three feet from me. He looked at me, sang again, and looked some more.I was spellbound. He flew off, and i was left with an eerie feeling. What is he trying to tell me?
Tuesday Morning~~
Why am i a mermaid? The summer i turned 11, my family lived in a split ranch in northern new jersey. Our backyard was framed by woods, and a huge willow tree. But the best part was our pool, 5 foot deep, above ground, with a ladder and pump. I would wake up in the morning, early, before anyone else, put on my bathing suit and swim. Not on the surface, but under the water, gliding and turning, with my hair flowing behind me. I taught myself to breathe deep and hold it, counting the seconds,trying to turn into a mermaid. The bottom of the pool wasn't blue vinyl, but sand. My companions were starfish and seahorses, and i searched clams for the perfect pearl. I was safe under the water, no pain, no fear, no illness. Topside, in the footed world, life wasn't so sweet. My father was dying of cancer,and my oldest sister's room had been transformed into his dying place. To enter that room...the smell of disinfectant, of sadness, of life leaking out, one breath at a time...I would curl up next to him, carefully, because he hurt so much, and he would whisper that he loved me.He told me to be a brave girl, and that everything would be alright. But it wasn't alright.He died one month later. So i let go of Lisa, and became a mermaid.The time that followed? That's another story.....
Why am i a mermaid? The summer i turned 11, my family lived in a split ranch in northern new jersey. Our backyard was framed by woods, and a huge willow tree. But the best part was our pool, 5 foot deep, above ground, with a ladder and pump. I would wake up in the morning, early, before anyone else, put on my bathing suit and swim. Not on the surface, but under the water, gliding and turning, with my hair flowing behind me. I taught myself to breathe deep and hold it, counting the seconds,trying to turn into a mermaid. The bottom of the pool wasn't blue vinyl, but sand. My companions were starfish and seahorses, and i searched clams for the perfect pearl. I was safe under the water, no pain, no fear, no illness. Topside, in the footed world, life wasn't so sweet. My father was dying of cancer,and my oldest sister's room had been transformed into his dying place. To enter that room...the smell of disinfectant, of sadness, of life leaking out, one breath at a time...I would curl up next to him, carefully, because he hurt so much, and he would whisper that he loved me.He told me to be a brave girl, and that everything would be alright. But it wasn't alright.He died one month later. So i let go of Lisa, and became a mermaid.The time that followed? That's another story.....
Monday, June 07, 2004
Monday Night~~
As i write this, my newest k-mart dumpster kitty is curled into a tiny orange ball on the ottoman under the computer desk. He is still nameless, because our cats choose their own names as their personalities unfold. He nibbles at my toes, still in my brown tights from work, and tucks himself into the curve of my instep.Perhaps he will grow up with a foot fetish? Coconut, my huge white kitty, still sleeps best in the waves of my hair spread against the pillow.Perhaps little orange will be at my toes.
It's time to tell why i am a Mermaid in the currents...oh dear., i am getting so interrupted...let me publish this., and maybe in a few minutes i can come back...sigh
As i write this, my newest k-mart dumpster kitty is curled into a tiny orange ball on the ottoman under the computer desk. He is still nameless, because our cats choose their own names as their personalities unfold. He nibbles at my toes, still in my brown tights from work, and tucks himself into the curve of my instep.Perhaps he will grow up with a foot fetish? Coconut, my huge white kitty, still sleeps best in the waves of my hair spread against the pillow.Perhaps little orange will be at my toes.
It's time to tell why i am a Mermaid in the currents...oh dear., i am getting so interrupted...let me publish this., and maybe in a few minutes i can come back...sigh
Monday Morning~~
I feel like playing hookie from work so bad that i can taste the words on my lips-"Sorry, not coming in today, the sun is shining and i want to be free" Not going to happen. I haven't called in sick since i was 18 years old. And that was because i had to sleep sometime!Just took a happy walk in my backyard..A happy walk is barefoot, naked under a cotton robe,with my coffee in my hand. I know my neighbors think i am eccentric, but i just don't care. The sunflowers are popping up! What a sight they will be, a whole family of them, yellow and red and brown, short and tall and in between, smiling at all who walk by. The spinach by the backdoor is sprouting, too, and the tomatoes and peppers have their first flowers.
Thanks to the anonymous poster, whoever you are...i enjoyed your insight-and it gave me quite the authoresque tingle.There is so much i want to write about, i can barely contain it all. Sometimes my brain feels like a jewelry box. I look inside and there are necklaces twisted together, and lone pins and sparkles of stones, pieces i have forgotten i have, and broken bits that i can't bear to throw out.What to choose? What to discard? What feels like it wants out of the box? Lately only my pearls will do. They ground me as i feel them against my neck, they comfort me when i lift them to my lips.Tiny moons on a string, beauty nestled deep from the sea. I have to go.....Time to shower, time to change from barefoot to heels, time to bind back my hair.....
I feel like playing hookie from work so bad that i can taste the words on my lips-"Sorry, not coming in today, the sun is shining and i want to be free" Not going to happen. I haven't called in sick since i was 18 years old. And that was because i had to sleep sometime!Just took a happy walk in my backyard..A happy walk is barefoot, naked under a cotton robe,with my coffee in my hand. I know my neighbors think i am eccentric, but i just don't care. The sunflowers are popping up! What a sight they will be, a whole family of them, yellow and red and brown, short and tall and in between, smiling at all who walk by. The spinach by the backdoor is sprouting, too, and the tomatoes and peppers have their first flowers.
Thanks to the anonymous poster, whoever you are...i enjoyed your insight-and it gave me quite the authoresque tingle.There is so much i want to write about, i can barely contain it all. Sometimes my brain feels like a jewelry box. I look inside and there are necklaces twisted together, and lone pins and sparkles of stones, pieces i have forgotten i have, and broken bits that i can't bear to throw out.What to choose? What to discard? What feels like it wants out of the box? Lately only my pearls will do. They ground me as i feel them against my neck, they comfort me when i lift them to my lips.Tiny moons on a string, beauty nestled deep from the sea. I have to go.....Time to shower, time to change from barefoot to heels, time to bind back my hair.....
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Sunday Morning~~
I have been up since 6am, drinking coffee, browsing the web, while my mind races towards what i need to accomplish this day, this week, this month, and beyond. Yikes! It's like i never sit still.
The yard looks wonderful. The grass is thick and green, tidy and well kept. Flowers everywhere, pinks and purples and a rainbow of zinnias. Moonbeam white petunias, cool and fullfaced, take the edge off the riot of color and texture. Now it's time for the inside. First, garage sale this friday. What to keep, what to sell, what to morph into something unique and different? Money realized from the sale towards painting the ceilings and walls. A soft, creamy white...everywhere, with pale yellow in the kitchen.
Had a difficult conversation with Rikk on the phone last night. It is so much easier for me to communicate with women then with men. Sometimes i feel like pulling out a translation dictionary, because i just don't understand what he is trying to say. I end up trying to ferret out the REAL meaning,( whether there is one or not). It is probably the difference in our personalities. I wear my heart on my sleeve, his is tucked deep in his pocket. It's a challenge for me to stay present, and not withdraw, when i sense i feel stronger about us then he does. When i think i am going to get hurt, i assume the airplane crash position,tucked into a crouch, vital organs protected, head down. Perhaps it would be better to just strap on a parachute and get ready to skyfly then crash and burn...At least that way, you get the beauty of the flight. Later...
I have been up since 6am, drinking coffee, browsing the web, while my mind races towards what i need to accomplish this day, this week, this month, and beyond. Yikes! It's like i never sit still.
The yard looks wonderful. The grass is thick and green, tidy and well kept. Flowers everywhere, pinks and purples and a rainbow of zinnias. Moonbeam white petunias, cool and fullfaced, take the edge off the riot of color and texture. Now it's time for the inside. First, garage sale this friday. What to keep, what to sell, what to morph into something unique and different? Money realized from the sale towards painting the ceilings and walls. A soft, creamy white...everywhere, with pale yellow in the kitchen.
Had a difficult conversation with Rikk on the phone last night. It is so much easier for me to communicate with women then with men. Sometimes i feel like pulling out a translation dictionary, because i just don't understand what he is trying to say. I end up trying to ferret out the REAL meaning,( whether there is one or not). It is probably the difference in our personalities. I wear my heart on my sleeve, his is tucked deep in his pocket. It's a challenge for me to stay present, and not withdraw, when i sense i feel stronger about us then he does. When i think i am going to get hurt, i assume the airplane crash position,tucked into a crouch, vital organs protected, head down. Perhaps it would be better to just strap on a parachute and get ready to skyfly then crash and burn...At least that way, you get the beauty of the flight. Later...
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Saturday Morning~~~
I slept deep,and entered that secret world of dreams where all rules of reality are broken. I was in my house, though it didn't look like my house. I walked to the window, and examined the white curtains. They were bulky and didn't fit the window frame, and i ran my hand along the wall. Embedded under the flowered wallpaper i found an intentation of the original curtain rod.It excited me, and i planned on tearing off the wallpaper to get to the original...I disolved into a field, where a little darkhaired girl waved to me excitedly. Her father was a movie producer,filming an empty ballfield behind a metal fence. I helped her pick a bouquet of wildflowers,beautiful daisies and tiny buttercups and a large,tuliplike blossom. I handed them to her, and she ran to offer them to her father, bursting with happiness.....I dissolved again, this time to another house. Again it belonged to me, and i looked at it with a restless eye. The basement stair was unsafe, hanging by one nail. Could i fix it? A group of people entered the house, and one fixed the stair instantly. We were a test group,each given specific tasks to accomplish as part of our mission. I was told what to do, but i couldn't hear. "What?" i said. Two more times i asked.The person handling out the tasks looked at me and shook her head in disgust. I felt my being raise up in anger, and i gave her a tongue lashing that made everyone become silent. She apologized, and gave me my assignment. I knew she didn't expect the lion to emerge from my meek demeanor previously, and my tasks were amended.Dissolved again....and i was out performing my tasks..They were physical, mental and emotional. I was crafty like a fox, alone,and determined. The few of us that passed to the finals were given a final task. We had to sit, eyes closed, and have a personal encounter with the animals chosen that best fit our talents and personalities. I was frightened...would i open my eyes to a snake, a tiger, a lion? When i opened my eyes,nestled against my legs were a collection of small woodland creatures..rabbits and groundhogs and a beaver. I sat still, and they somehow nourished themselves against me. My eyes closed again, and when i opened them, i felt peaceful and powerful. The woodland creatures were gone,and my white cat was in their place. I woke up for real then, hot and covered in a sheen of sweat, like i had been running. Crazy dream, eh? Later......
I slept deep,and entered that secret world of dreams where all rules of reality are broken. I was in my house, though it didn't look like my house. I walked to the window, and examined the white curtains. They were bulky and didn't fit the window frame, and i ran my hand along the wall. Embedded under the flowered wallpaper i found an intentation of the original curtain rod.It excited me, and i planned on tearing off the wallpaper to get to the original...I disolved into a field, where a little darkhaired girl waved to me excitedly. Her father was a movie producer,filming an empty ballfield behind a metal fence. I helped her pick a bouquet of wildflowers,beautiful daisies and tiny buttercups and a large,tuliplike blossom. I handed them to her, and she ran to offer them to her father, bursting with happiness.....I dissolved again, this time to another house. Again it belonged to me, and i looked at it with a restless eye. The basement stair was unsafe, hanging by one nail. Could i fix it? A group of people entered the house, and one fixed the stair instantly. We were a test group,each given specific tasks to accomplish as part of our mission. I was told what to do, but i couldn't hear. "What?" i said. Two more times i asked.The person handling out the tasks looked at me and shook her head in disgust. I felt my being raise up in anger, and i gave her a tongue lashing that made everyone become silent. She apologized, and gave me my assignment. I knew she didn't expect the lion to emerge from my meek demeanor previously, and my tasks were amended.Dissolved again....and i was out performing my tasks..They were physical, mental and emotional. I was crafty like a fox, alone,and determined. The few of us that passed to the finals were given a final task. We had to sit, eyes closed, and have a personal encounter with the animals chosen that best fit our talents and personalities. I was frightened...would i open my eyes to a snake, a tiger, a lion? When i opened my eyes,nestled against my legs were a collection of small woodland creatures..rabbits and groundhogs and a beaver. I sat still, and they somehow nourished themselves against me. My eyes closed again, and when i opened them, i felt peaceful and powerful. The woodland creatures were gone,and my white cat was in their place. I woke up for real then, hot and covered in a sheen of sweat, like i had been running. Crazy dream, eh? Later......
Friday, June 04, 2004
Friday Night~~
Just home an hour or so ago from my little trip to canada. I almost didn't come back, sigh. I love it so much there...To tired to write much, it's a three hour drive each way...but, alot to write about...Most importantly, Rikk got a new mural to paint!! I am so happy for him....I am going to crawl into bed...i need time to think, to dream, to be alone with my heart. Later........
Just home an hour or so ago from my little trip to canada. I almost didn't come back, sigh. I love it so much there...To tired to write much, it's a three hour drive each way...but, alot to write about...Most importantly, Rikk got a new mural to paint!! I am so happy for him....I am going to crawl into bed...i need time to think, to dream, to be alone with my heart. Later........
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Wednesday Nite~~
Came home to a dirty house, sigh. If only they would realize how happy it makes me to finish my work week without having to start my home-week., cleaning. I don't mind a bit of a mess., but, jeesh. Do the dishes! Clean up! I can't do it all.
Work was as i expected. I wish i just could put my feet up, and take it easy. Not going to happen. Might as well get to work. I feel too discouraged to write. Well, maybe later....and there is always tomorrow, right?
Came home to a dirty house, sigh. If only they would realize how happy it makes me to finish my work week without having to start my home-week., cleaning. I don't mind a bit of a mess., but, jeesh. Do the dishes! Clean up! I can't do it all.
Work was as i expected. I wish i just could put my feet up, and take it easy. Not going to happen. Might as well get to work. I feel too discouraged to write. Well, maybe later....and there is always tomorrow, right?
Wednesday Morning~~
I am curious. Does anyone read this blog? There is a little comment box if you scroll down to the end of the page. Click on it, and let me know. I don't care if you even leave a name. Just curious..
Today will be a day of ordering, cleaning up, admin. work after yesterdays nonstop action. No one is there but Pat, Deb and I. A peaceful break, i hope..And then tonight, ah, tonight., starts my weekend. If all goes well i will brave the streets of downtown Detroit and try to get to canada by public transportation..OOPS gotta run...work calls
I am curious. Does anyone read this blog? There is a little comment box if you scroll down to the end of the page. Click on it, and let me know. I don't care if you even leave a name. Just curious..
Today will be a day of ordering, cleaning up, admin. work after yesterdays nonstop action. No one is there but Pat, Deb and I. A peaceful break, i hope..And then tonight, ah, tonight., starts my weekend. If all goes well i will brave the streets of downtown Detroit and try to get to canada by public transportation..OOPS gotta run...work calls
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Tuesday Night~~
What a difference a day makes! I DID WIN!!! Ah, the evil that lurks within the hearts of men....Garry had hidden a cancelation..told the customer to think about it for another day or so...It was the sale that put him over the edge and made him win. The customer called this morning, on Garry's day off., and the owner just happened to be standing there when i took the call. He was furious, thought it was sneaky and underhanded of Garry, and declared me best salesperson.
Then I had two referral customers, relatives of people i had taken care of in the past, and by the time the day was done, i had done almost 7,000. in sales. Yippee! salespeople are superstitious, and to have that kind of a record sales day on the first of the month is considered very good luck. I thought young Pat would have a stroke..Dethroned and royally beaten in one fell swoop.All i could think of was...now i can take care of my family better...
Then i got home, exhausted but exhilerated, and recieved the credit card i had applied for in the mail. With all my credit problems the last 4 years, this was a major miracle. Yippie again!
Then Todd told me he found a new job, and starts tomorrow...and THEN...Rikk told me he got a call about a job, too...
I have been praying for those i love nonstop. I never expect God to answer the way i want, just the way He feels is best. But, sometimes i guess my prayers collide with His, and a day like this happens. all i can say is YIPPPPPPIE!!
Time for bed...I am not even going to eat..too tired, and feeling achy all over....Later...Ps. thank you, God.
What a difference a day makes! I DID WIN!!! Ah, the evil that lurks within the hearts of men....Garry had hidden a cancelation..told the customer to think about it for another day or so...It was the sale that put him over the edge and made him win. The customer called this morning, on Garry's day off., and the owner just happened to be standing there when i took the call. He was furious, thought it was sneaky and underhanded of Garry, and declared me best salesperson.
Then I had two referral customers, relatives of people i had taken care of in the past, and by the time the day was done, i had done almost 7,000. in sales. Yippee! salespeople are superstitious, and to have that kind of a record sales day on the first of the month is considered very good luck. I thought young Pat would have a stroke..Dethroned and royally beaten in one fell swoop.All i could think of was...now i can take care of my family better...
Then i got home, exhausted but exhilerated, and recieved the credit card i had applied for in the mail. With all my credit problems the last 4 years, this was a major miracle. Yippie again!
Then Todd told me he found a new job, and starts tomorrow...and THEN...Rikk told me he got a call about a job, too...
I have been praying for those i love nonstop. I never expect God to answer the way i want, just the way He feels is best. But, sometimes i guess my prayers collide with His, and a day like this happens. all i can say is YIPPPPPPIE!!
Time for bed...I am not even going to eat..too tired, and feeling achy all over....Later...Ps. thank you, God.
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