it is almost 12am, and, i went from anticipation of a lover to feeling like a meatloaf abandoned in a warming oven...Older son's girlfriend came over., almost gave me a heartattack....slipped down the stairs dressed all in black, silent, like a photo negative, impressed on my colours.
We started to talk...somehow i got on the subject of Todd's heart condition at age 11...I relived the green tile floor of the hospital., my drunken ex=husbands bullshit bravado., my steely rejection of his imput on our son's treatment...my begging for medical help from the government for his treatment(no insurance then....)and, the seeds of faith as i realized that i had no control over his life or death....all good is a gift., all bad is a test.....hmmnnn......