Thursday Night~~
In my next life, i want to come back as one of my children. Why doesn't J. SEE? I am cooking, he says he wants to learn....so, where IS he? My God, I would like in this lifetime to have someone take care of me...It gets pretty damn tiring, holding the wolves at bay, always on alert. I see women, ugly women, stupid women, mean women, and they have rocks on their fingers and eat bon-bons all day...Where on EARTH did i go wrong??? I know where....3 wealthy men have asked me to be their wife...and i declined each invitation...why? Because i didn't love them....As if that is the criteria for a good life....
JeezeApete..i am bitter tonight....I miss my lover, i miss the taste of his mouth, the curve of his legs, wrapped around me in the middle of the night. I miss my home, with the 100 year old maples in the front yard, and, by now, the hydrangea tree is blossoming wildly in peach. I miss T., and K, and the babies...and the long slope of my street, before i see the picket fence..
I don't have a home anymore. I don't belong anywhere. If it wasn't for J, i think i would just calmly pack my things, and stick out my thumb.
This isn't my world; it's a world of sucessful yuppies and dottering retirees. I am neither. I am just a girlin Walden's Pond, half drowning, determined not to perish...at least not today....Later