Thursday Morning~
I have spent the last three days in prayer. Not white-gloved, kneel in church prayer, just a running dialog with God. I have gone to the source with all my dreams and hopes and fears, asking for guidance and a miracle. What i was looking for was a financial miracle,because moving day is tomorrow, and there just isn't much money left. Don't let anyone tell you miracles don't exist...they do. Mine have come when i wrestle my ego to it's knees, and just let go...and, let God.
I still haven't seen that green miracle, but, my faith is strong. I guess He had a more important miracle to take care of first.
Last night, 12am, i tossed and turned, eyes wide open in the dark, thinking about J., and his decision...This is unusual for me, because i am one of those lucky people that fall asleep as soon as i hit the pillow. "Momma? are you asleep?" It was J. at my door. "Can we talk?"
Out we went to the front porch swing, to sit in the dark,with the moon gleaming through the tall maples, and a cup of tea. Maybe staying with his friend wasn't such a good idea, he began. How was he going to make it on his own, without a job, a car, an education? Maybe he wasn't ready. I let him talk, and didn't interrupt, all the while silently thanking God, for THIS was the miracle He had in store for me.
There is a selfish part of me that said "Oh No!", because once i got used to the fact that i was going to maryland alone, i started to fantasize about it all...the sheer, glorious freedom..the first time in my entire life i would live alone, and not take care of anybody but myself.
Not going to happen, yet. J decided to come to maryland, after all.He doesn't realize it yet, but, he has made a decision that will change his life in so many wonderful ways.. And so, the journey continues, and i stay mentor, on active Momma Battle Duty, for a while more...Later