Tuesday Night~~
I have mentioned Alabama, quickly, in passing, like the shudder of a spider on the wall. My last post...well, it brought up Father Kevin.One terrible vignette in a palatte of horror those 4 years were.
Father Kevin, where are you today? Are you tucked happily in some posh Diocese, have you left the priesthood? or have you truly realized your calling, and live to your godlihood?
1970.....
I found jobs quickly babysitting. After all, i had been babysitting outside my home since age 11, and always got the same good recommendations...My most frequent job was a family from the church, with 4 kids ranging from infant to 7. Catholics drink, and smoke, and seemed to party without much thought of sinning, until confession rolled around once a week. My employers were no different, high rollers, dressed well and smelling good, while i felt the awkward preteen, home with their kids.
Father Kevin was the young parish priest, the leader of the youth choir i sang in. He started stopping by while i babysat. He let me talk and weep and ask "WHY?" about my mother's death six months before...and became not only my priest, but my confidant, my friend.
That night the children were sleeping, bathed and fed and sweet,and i began to cry...I missed my mother so much. She wasn't just my mom, she was my best friend. He held his arms out to me, and i crawled in them. He stroked my hair, and whispered little sh-sh-sh noises to the top of my head. I held him tighter. Then he kissed me, not a father kiss, but a man's kiss., and i was horrified. A deep, dark, female part of me wanted to kiss back, that virginal place ready to burst, but, all my senses screamed "NO!!" I was embarrassed...this was my PRIEST, this was God's emissary, WHAT WAS HE DOING????...He fondled me, and told me he loved me as a "sister in Christ".
I might have been a young girl, i might have been vulnerable, but i knew right from wrong.. Guilty, ashamed, wishing i was dead, i scrambled to my feet, pushing him away. They were due home in a few minutes, i said...I didn't have the courage to tell anyone. I quit the choir, and got in trouble with my aunt and uncle because of it. I hated God for 4 years, because of it. But, i never told. Before tonight. Later