Wednesday afternoon~~
I just read your post to Kari, anonymous. Again, i find your comments very insightful..you speak like one who has experienced this herself., or something very like it. My relationship with J.s father spanned almost 20 years, pre and post divorce, and the whole time it was a case of me putting a bandaid on a mortal wound. Looking back now, i realize that i refused to see that i couldn't save him from himself. I always fixed things, always made a way, and, on the surface, gave him his repectability. He was a charmer, a master salesman, and not above groveling the many times i left him, started over, and out of pity, or maschochism, or God Knows what motivation, i took him back.
The last time was 3 years ago. He was homeless, and had just lost his job that included his truck, and living expenses. (he was a traveling salesman). He had a heart attack, and i offered to let him stay at my house to recuperate. He got a job driving a cab, and i told him to save his money, so he could get an apartment and get back on his feet. I came home from work to an explosive situation..my oldest son, T., in a standoff with G. on the porch. It came to blows, and it's funny,what i remember most about it was the sound of my clay italian flower pots crashing to the floor. I called the police,and G. turned to me and said."You did this. it's your choice, him or me." I went inside, packed his things, and told him to never come back. I decided it was finally over...and the door to my giving slammed shut,locked, and i threw away the key.
There comes a time in my life when i let go, because, above all, i am a survivor.
To try to channel and help J. by moving to maryland is part of that survivor instinct.You see, i refuse to be a woman who bails out her adult son, be it with money or a place to live, forever. I will always love him, but i am getting ready to leave my active tour of motherhood duty. I finally like myself, and love myself most of the time, and that love of self just doesn't have room for being anybodys emotional or physical punching bag. I will dedicate myself for one year to helping j. finish high school, and teach him all the practicalities that he is so ignorant about.After that..i am done.