Monday Night....Goodbye Eyes
I am home, and i see everything with Goodbye Eyes. Goodbye eyes...a sheen of tears, and a pull of heart...all is coloured with this peculiar tint...The giant Chicken, along highway 15, on my way home from Canada...advertising "farmfresh Eggs, Buy them Here!" The stretches of farmland, raped and spreadlegged, proclaiming possession with names like "DeerRun" and Countrywide Estates"...The fake storefronts, eluding to an earlier time, with porches, and odd shaped windows, to seduce us with trust, while their billion dollar owners live elsewhere, in luxury, laughing at us overeager, dim whitted, American comsumers...
And my goodbye eyes march forward...till i see my white picket fence, the grass a bit too long, and my boys walk out to meet me..
I almost didn't come home. I almost stayed in Canada, with Rikk"s mom and dad., and his son, and him. They are a family, and they love me. They saw me in the morning, fuzzy haired and naked faced, and loved me. Clue,here..that's all i ever wanted...a family, mom and dad, and kids, and cousins and brothers and sisters...In a terrible way, if it doesnt work out for Rikk and i , i will mourn them more.
I love his eyes, and the way he solidly is my friend and lover..and I am wishful, fearful, because i emote more then he does.....I am fearful because the core of me is used to being alone...and, as much as i love him, i will do fine without him...And, the dollop on that funeral cake is...He is so talented, so special, that, he can do without me. It is a cosmic crap shoot...what will be, will be.
All i know is my destiny is pulling me forward..and, as i faltered through the emotional pull to stay in canada, a redbird sang on the telephone wire, willing me to my path...and as i drove the lonely miles on the empty 402 West., another one dive bombed my car...swirling red telling me to keep on....and, so i will...Later.
s