Thurday Morning~~
Five hours sleep is just not enough anymore..Woken by J., fighting with his girlfriend sometime after 12AM..Everyone's emotions are running high right now, and i just want to muzzle the lot of them. I sat out in the dark on the front porch swing, listening to the crickets and cicadas, mourning the loss of harmony,AND the loss of sleep.
I am not going to dinner tonight with my old friend..He is my ex-husbands best friend, i don't like the feeling i get in my stomach about his motives. If it is purely to say goodbye, as he says, well, he can come over the house and say goodbye as i pack..i have no time now for superficiality or games. My ex? He has some terrible bridges to rebuild with his children..It took me years to stop taking care of him, stop protecting him, all the while being a "good little wife". If he wants to see them, he can damn well figure out how to do it himself. If they want to see Him, they can damn well figure how to see him, too. I am out of it.
J. told me in the middle of the night that he wants to stay here and pursue his music. He can live with one of the bandmember's and his mom. (This was the Plan 2 i secretly worked out in july with the mom)He says he will finish his education, get a job he can walk to, and save money for his own car. He says that his band is his dream, and he has to follow that dream. He is 18 now...i can't drag him by his hair to maryland. I am moving his furniture anyway. He asked for his bed, but I said no. He can have the old queen set in the garage, and i will get him a new mattress pad. He has to make his own bed, now.
Things change from day to day anyway. He wants to make the trip to maryland, stay a month, and then return to michigan. Perhaps he will fall in love with the beach, and Ocean City, mecca for young people and music.
If i have learned anything, i have finally learned that now matter how you much you love, protect, and sacrifice, you can't make those you love follow any path but their own. Sigh. Later.