Monday~
It is 6:30 pm, and i have been up since five am. As i started to write, a redbird trilled,"pretty, pretty, pretty"...and i looked out the window, thankful he was there...I ran outside, to see his face, to connect with Mom, because the redbird is her sign to me, that she is there. No redbird to be seen, not even the song....and i took it as a sign that i am on the right path, but, not to expect my hand to be held.
I couldn't even find a bobby pin, and braided my hair, tucked it, and wrapped it in a red bandanna. Into the garage, spider heaven, ....I am so scared of spiders.
K. helped me, and today, i know what it is like to have a daughter. I am blessed., because i always wanted one, badly, yet, instead, i got rough and tumble, testosterone filled, wildly glorious boys. They are good for so much, but, they are not the ones that will stop, when you come across Blue Bunny, T.'s first toy,and weep. They are not the ones to shoulder the white enanamel headboard, with the little flowers, and wait, while you stroke it...remembering a love that died. They are not the ones to help, when you look around helplessly, and finally say" I don't know what to do next". K., please God, will be in my life forever, because i know she loves my son. If that love changes, i will always hold her in special esteem, because she is a special lady unto herself.
The basement is now mostly packed, and the garage, too. The house is beyond tornado now, it is a Class Five Hurricane. But, Each box is numbered, and i have a master list of each. Not bad for a weepy mermaid, who would rather swim. later.