Thursday Morning~~
The darkness has slipped away, once more. I have packed so much to do into this one day that i am astounded, even with my customary wild optimism. Woke up wide eyed, ready to leap out of bed...made the coffee so fast that somehow the grinds are mixed in, and i am drinking it anyway.
Today is the day Daddy died..He will always be "daddy", not father, not pop, not dad. I remember the moment i found out so clearly, so acutely, that it is forever captured under glass, almost 40 years later. As i type this, i stop, and rock back and forth, holding myself. Love never dies, though people do. I still feel your scratchy cheek against my babysmooth one, daddy. I hear your laugh, and snuggle up in your arms as you read your paper. Your love for me has been a saving grace, the beacon, the benchmark, that i have measured men against.You wept the last time i saw you, so weak and drawn in the hospital."who will take care of my little girl? you are the one i worry about..who will protect you?".
It all happens for a reason, daddy, so stop worrying. I walk with my angels, and have learned how to protect myself...these long years...without you...Later.